


John's Desperate To Pee and Dave's Desperate to See

by Ebb_tide



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Car Desperation, M/M, Omorashi, Pretty kinky :D, Slight Hand Job, exploring relationship, pee desperation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6092218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ebb_tide/pseuds/Ebb_tide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is afraid of a thunderstorm and asks Dave to come over. Somehow that leads to a desperate car ride and some unexpected feelings for Dave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John's Desperate To Pee and Dave's Desperate to See

**Author's Note:**

> This story is WAY more mature than my others in every way. I hope you enjoy it. Also I can't figure out how to assign colors to text so for now the back and forth chat log between John and Dave will just have their names in front of them instead of colors until I can figure it out.

**Dave POV**

I wake up to the sound of ringing in my ears. I groan as the ringing continues. I don’t work for a phone company so the constant ringing can only mean one thing.

I drag myself out of bed, throw myself onto the rolling chair across the room and open up my laptop. The ringing stops and I see no less than five million messages from John. My computer screen is a sea of blue messages that say ‘WAKE UP’.

I rub the sleep from my eyes as I type back

 **Dave:** I’m awake. Seriously though, WTF??!!

 **John:**   Hey Dave

 **Dave:**   That better not be the reason you woke me up cuz you can tell me hey at really any time of the day other than this FUCKING EARLY!!

 **John:**   The early bird gets the worm :)

 **Dave:**   Are you offering me worm?

 **John:**   Dave that’s just gross

 **Dave:**   You know what’s gross? Waking me up to say hey and then a random quote made up by some guy that likes an early morning sausage fest. You know what? I hate you. I have no desire to be up at the crack of dawn for idle chit chat

 **John:**   I need a heart transplant and only have an hour to live. This is my last living conversation

 **Dave:**   Nope. Still not worth seeing Dawn’s crack, but we’re getting close

 **John:**   It’s not the crack of dawn, dude it’s like 3am.

 **Dave:**   That’s a poor argument my friend. It’s not stopping the homicidal rage

 **John:**   You’d really kill me over this?

 **Dave:**   Did you know that most crimes happen between 1 and 4am? There’s a reason for that.

 **John:**   I think you’re making up that statistic

 **Dave:**   So will a jury of my peers if I get a good lawyer

 **John:**   Do you really hate me?

 **Dave:**   Do I sound like a loving man right now?

 **John:**   It’s hard to tell someone’s tone in a message

 **Dave:**   Let me help clarify it

I follow my text with some explicit emojis. John doesn’t answer for a really long time. I don’t really want to be ‘up and at em’ at this time because as I’ve said, it’s early as fuck, but if I’m up, he’s going to be up.

I keep the conversation going

 **Dave:**   Did you fall in a black hole?

 **John:**   Nope

 **Dave:**   Seriously why did you wake me up?

 **John:**   I can’t sleep

 **Dave:**   Look, I know that you are the Ying to my Yang, but your insomnia doesn’t actually mean that I have to be awake too

 **John:**   :(

 **Dave:**   Ok fine. Just to move this along… why can’t you sleep?

 **John:**   Just can’t

 **Dave:**   Lies

 **John:**   You’re going to make fun of me

 **Dave:**   That will happen anyway. But if you don’t tell me I’ll be forced to come up with wild guesses about what’s wrong. You know what my first guess is? It involves a toy clown and a bottle of lotion

 **John:**   There’s a thunderstorm going on

 **Dave:**   Would you like to know the clown’s purpose or the lotion’s purpose first?

 **John:**   Seriously dude chill. I’m telling you why I can’t sleep. There’s a freaking thunderstorm

 **Dave:**   You wrote freaking. That’s adorable

 **John:**   I’m afraid of thunder

 **Dave:**   Yup. I connected those dots

 **John:**   Go ahead. Call me a loser

 **Dave:**   Loser

 **Dave:**   Hey, you know what would have been funny? Could you imagine if your electric cut out after you said that you were dying? I would have flipped my shit

 **John:**   So you do care

 **Dave:**   Does caring less count? I could definitely care less

 **John:**   That’s really mean Dave. Can you say something comforting?

 **Dave:**   Just relax and go to a happy safe place. Remember the safety of the womb. Go back to the womb John

 **John:**   I said comforting not creepy

 **Dave:**   Picture yourself floating in a sea of love and warmth. Swim in love John

 **John:**   I don’t want to swim back inside my mother. And don’t talk about liquid. I gotta take a piss

 **Dave:**   Fine. Open up your webcam and I’ll show you something that will calm you down

 **John:**   That sounds creepier than the amniotic fluid swim

As usual John does as I say, and I’m staring at his upper half on my screen.

 **Dave:**   Angle the camera down. I want to make sure you didn’t piss your pants

 **John:**   I’m not wearing pants

Another long pause

 **John:**   Can you come over?

 **Dave:**   You want me to be big spoon?

 **John:**   I’m serious. I’m really scared

 **Dave:**   Crawl under your bed. You’re guaranteed to be safe from thunder and lightning if you’re under there

 **John:**   I’m really freaked out. Please?

 **Dave:**   Say pretty please

 **John:**   Pretty pleeeeease!!!

 **John:**   Does this mean you’re coming?

 **Dave:**   Nope. Just wanted to make you say pretty please

 **John:**   Daaaaaaaave

 **Dave:**   Fine. I’ll be there in 10

It actually takes me 15 because of traffic. John was right. As soon as I cross the border to his town, the sky opens up and it’s like a fucking monsoon.

I pull into the driveway and dial him. When he picks up I smile. “Is this John?”

John sighs. “No. This is the phone company. You somehow traveled back in time and operators take your calls now.”

I frown. “How do you know that we don’t use operators in the future?”

John laughs. “Because I too have time traveled. I took a trip to what you call the present day a few weeks ago. When you go back to your time we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

I smile. “That’s amazing. I’m glad we had this chat. Can you connect me with John?”

John clears his throat. “That’s not going to happen. My shift just ended.”

I turn the heat up in the car because it’s freezing. “Come hop in the car. I’ll take you for a night drive.”

John sounds skeptical. “How will that keep me safe from the thunderstorm?”

I adjust the vents. “You gotta face your fear. I’m hanging up now and I’ll be waiting in the car. If you try to call I’ll just ignore it. You have approximately an hour to get your ass out here before I die of carbon monoxide poisoning. The choice is yours.”

About two minutes later John is pulling on my door handle and hopping into the car.

I smirk. “Someone looks sexy in a hoodie.”

John rolls his eyes. “Just drive.”

I pull out of his driveway and cruise onto the highway.

I glance over at John. “You know, when a baby won’t stop crying the parents sometimes take the kid for a drive. The kid’s usually out cold in a couple of minutes.”

John shivers. “I’m not a cranky baby and you drive way too crazy for me to be lulled to sleep. Seriously though, why is it so cold in here? I feel like my nuts are gonna freeze off.”

I glance over at him and wiggle my eyebrows. “You want me to rub them so they stay warm?”

John blushes. “You’re an ass.”

I laugh. “Don’t you mean an A-asterisk-asterisk?”

John shifts in his seat.

I raise an eyebrow. “You ok?”

I really should have my eyes on the road, but before I shift my eyes back to the traffic in front of me, I see John blush a darker shade of red.

I can see him bouncing in the seat with my peripherals. He takes a loud inhale. “Where are we going anyway?”

I tap the steering wheel with my thumbs. “I’m going to hell. I don’t know about you.”

John whines. “I’m already there.”

I glance away from the road and see him rest his palms on his thighs. He’s also bouncing his knees and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s wrong.

I smirk. “You should picture that watery womb again.”

John moans. “Such a jackass.”

I face the road again and watch the raindrops knocking against the windshield. That can’t be helping John right now.

I clear my throat, trying not to laugh. “Well at least you have something else to focus on instead of the thunder.”

For some wonderful reason the rain goes from a slight shower to a torrential downpour right at this second.

John whines.

I take another quick glance. He’s holding onto the sides of the seat and his butt is raised off of the seat slightly, allowing one bent leg to cross the other leg. This position must not provide enough comfort, or it’s too embarrassing, because he quickly uncrosses his legs and goes back to bouncing his knees.

I try to increase his embarrassment a bit. “You gonna be ok Jonny?”

John closes his eyes and somehow stops bouncing. “Yup. Nothing to see here.”

I’m grinning wider than I think I ever have. “Do you have to take a leak?”

His voice goes up so high he practically squeaks. “Nope. Do you?”

I’m so captured by the scene unfolding in front of me that when I look back at the road, I have to slam on the brakes. As I almost crash right through the back of a really sweet black Lexus, John and I both moan ‘shit’ in unison.

Thankfully there isn’t a car behind me so slamming on the brakes doesn’t cause an accident. When I catch my breath I look over to see if John has avoided having an accident as well.

It seems like he slammed on the brakes at just the right time as well. Poor John has his hands shoved between his legs and he’s leaning forward so far that his head’s resting on the dashboard.

I mumble a quick ‘sorry’ and look back out of the windshield.

There’s a long silence between the two of us as we sit in the traffic jam. I want to keep teasing him, but I feel kind of like an ass for almost getting us killed.

John breaks the silence first. His voice is slow and quiet. “I hafta pee.”

I turn to him. “Did you say something?”

John rocks back and forth with his hands between his thighs. “I’m seriously dying over here.”

I don’t offer a solution, only more questions. “Why didn’t you go at your house?”

John moans. “I don’t know. Cuz I’m an idiot? I can’t believe I’m about to pee my pants.”

I watch him start his seated marching again.

I tap my fingers on the steering wheel. “That sucks. A full bladder and stuck in traffic. I could try and pull over, but it’s gonna take some kind of cosmic event for me to merge over to the right lane at this point.”

John keeps his hands between his legs and rubs his thighs together. I have to admit, this is getting really hot.

John looks over at me as he continues to do his potty dance. “I’m seriously gonna piss myself. Do you have a bottle of something?”

I smirk. “A bottle of what? Are you thirsty? I don’t think more liquids will help your situation Jonathan.”

John groans. “An empty bottle to piss in. I can’t hold this much longer.”

I shift the car into park since we aren’t moving anyway and reach over onto the backseat. “I think I have something useful back here. Let’s see, there’s a flashlight, an ice scraper, totally need that in the middle of spring, a pillow. Why the fuck do I have a pillow back here?”

John whines. “Hurry Dave. I’m about to burst.”

I lean further back so I can dig for more treasure. “Keep your panties dry, dude, I’m looking.”

John moans. “Sorry. I just gotta go so bad. I’m leaking in my boxers Dave.”

I search a little faster. “Are the jeans still dry?”

John groans. “Mmm hmm, but if my hands start to get wet, I gotta open the door and finish this outside.”

I pick up a Styrofoam takeout box, but toss it aside when I see that there’s a hole at the bottom. “You want to just jump out right now and be proactive?”

I take a peek at John and he has a death grip on this junk and his knees are pulled all the way up to his chest. I never knew he was so flexible.

John’s voice starts to shake. “Dave… i-it hurts.”

I go back to rummaging. “Don’t squeeze so hard then. A little water damage to the seats is better than serious damage to your – BINGO! I forgot about this stupid thermos.”

I pick up the white thermos and hand it to John.

John doesn’t release his grip on the jewels and shakes his head. “I can’t ruin your thermos. I need something disposable to pee in.”

I frown. “Dude, just pee in the thermos. I hate it anyway. It’s one of those color changing thermos and some corny message pops up when you add cold or hot water or some shit like that. There aint no way I’m putting my lips on that. It probably causes cancer of something.”

John reaches for the thermos, but then has to grip himself again. He moans and his eyes squeeze shut tight. I’m pretty sure another leak just happened, but as far as I can tell he’s still dry on the outside.

I put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll line up the thermos. You just do your fly.”

John nods. He opens his eyes to look down and open his zipper. I’m so entranced by what he’s doing that I’m frozen looking at him.

When his button and zipper are open and he’s reaching into his underwear to do what needs to be done, he grunts. “Dave! The thermos!”

I jump into action and position the thermos between his legs. “Right. The thermos.”

My one job. Don’t want to fuck it up.

This isn’t the first time I’ve seen John’s dick. We’ve been friends forever so it’s made an appearance once or twice.

John closes his eyes. Technically I can’t see his face cuz I’m hardcore staring at his dick, but I assume he closes his eyes because that’s what I would do before unloading a bladder the size of a watermelon.

Instead of the loud hiss of peeing relief, a deafening horn explodes my eardrums. I glance away from my best friend’s penis for a second and look in the rearview mirror.

Some uptight soccer mom is waving her hands at me to move up. She acts as if I’m literally the entire cause of us waiting in traffic.

She flips me off and I give her a “kiss my ass” as I shift out of park. I move up the grand total of TWO INCHES that she was bitching about and put it back in park, cuz guess what? We still stuck in fucking traffic!

I’m not coordinated enough to pull off this feat with one hand so I had to move the mug during this ordeal. I look back at John expecting the worst, but somehow he’s still holding on. And by holding on, I mean he’s got one hand squeezing the life out of his little, well maybe more like medium sized, fella. The other hand is clawing through the air reaching for the thermos that I’m still holding.

He’s whimpering like a caged animal, which doesn’t surprise me because DUDE’S GOTTA PEE, but I’m a little surprised when I let out a whimper as well. Yup, I just whimpered because my job as John’s peeing assistant is no longer necessary.

I relinquish control of the mug and even though I don’t need to be an active (or a passive) spectator, I still unapologetically watch the guy pee in a thermos. I could say something lame like “well watching him pee is like watching a car crash and I just can’t look away’, or some dumb shit like that, but the truth? A car crash isn’t gonna cause the obvious tent that I’m sporting down there.

I put my hands over my not so shy member so I can save a little dignity. I use the old ‘just adjusting myself, nothing to see’ technique, but in reality I’m pulling at my dick while staring at John’s. This right here is some fucked up shit.

Before I can psychoanalyze this clusterfuck any further, John starts doing what we’ve both been waiting for.

The peeing begins.

He makes a sound that is so far over the line of appropriate that I blush like a… nope, I’m too far gone to come up with something poetic or flowery.

John follows his primal sound with an even more primal grunt and the floodgates open. Ten pounds of urine plus a five pound bladder finally becomes an impossible equation and the solution equals a torrential surge of pee.

He moans, “Dave…”, because of course he’s thinking of me. Anything else would be unheard of during this moment of extreme awkwardness.

He sounds like he might be in pain, but I opt against rubbing anything of his, for any reason.

He starts to shiver and the stream waves from left to right, but the thermos is wide enough for this deviation of his urine stream.

As the stream increases to a fire hydrant jet stream, John moans my name again. This time it’s followed by a sentence through gritted teeth. “Turn the fuck away.”  

It doesn’t have the anger behind it that I think he’s going for. When John curses it’s like a tiny kitten hugging a baby puppy.

It’s not the fear of angering John that makes my eyes snap back to the windshield, it’s the embarrassment of all of it.

Not looking at John makes me focus more on my own bodily functions and I’m way harder downstairs then I should be in a situation like this. I shift my leg into a semi-crossed position to conceal as much as I can.

I hear John laugh from my right side and I feel my face go from regular temperature to solar. It’s only fair that John is allowed to look at mine since my eyes had been glued to his, but in my defense, John peeing is infinitely more interesting than a partially obscured boner.

John continues to piss into the thermos and it sounds like he’s dumping out a water bottle. I take a glance over to see if the poor thermos is overflowing yet, because obviously John’s bladder had been.

The scene is just how I left it. John looking hot as hell and the thermos gradually filling. John’s deposit is warm enough to trigger the color changing effect of the thermos and the once blank thermos now displays the message ‘achieve the unthinkable’.

I’m not sure if John is looking at me cuz I’m sure as hell not looking at his eyes, but if he’s not then he probably just addresses me to fill the car with the sound of something other than the loud splashing of forceful peeing. “Dave…” He sounds out of breath. I probably will too when I start talking. It’s not like either of us are breathing properly.

He starts again and I don’t interrupt during the pauses. “Dave… Do you think… I should stop… and finish when I get back… home?”

His odd comment actually ends my staring match with his dick and my eyes snap up to meet his. He’s looking down at himself guiding his aim and keeping watch on the urine levels of the thermos. His eyelids are slightly squinted in concentration. I realize quickly that the concentration is because he somehow shut off the pee valve. When the sound of peeing stops, so does my breathing. He’s holding it in again and that’s… _mmm_.

I clear my throat because any answer I can offer is behind the lump that’s stuck in there. My throat clearing must scare John because he jumps and then looks over to me.

His eyes are unfocused and his pupils are blown and the sight of it is almost too much. The structural integrity of the crotch on my jeans is nearing critical levels.

One of his hands is still holding the thermos, but the other hand reaches up and he runs his fingers through his hair. This is a nervous habit that John’s had ever since I’ve known him. I think he’s intending to run his hands straight through from front to back, but halfway through he gives up and brings his hand back to the front before releasing his hair. This causes most of his hair to stick out in wild directions, but a good amount in the front falls down over his eyebrows, skimming his eyes.

The combination of his blown out pupils and the borderline sex hair make me whimper a sound that I wish I can take back.

My lips start to twitch, but I’m not sure of it’s because I want to talk to John or because I want to put my lips on his and suck his face off.

What’s going on? Yesterday John was my platonic best friend and I had never thought of kissing him in my life. Well there might have been a few times he caused a tingle or two down there, but the reaction was completely accidental. It’s not like I haven’t caught him sporting a few broners of his own.

So like I said, everything was chill, but fast forward a few hours and I’m holding onto the steering wheel with a Hulk-like grip, just to prevent me from manhandling John like he’s my…

I bite my lip and close my eyes instead of finishing that sentence in my head. I release my lip from between my teeth because this isn’t fucking Fifty Shades of Gray. When my lips are free of the warmth of my mouth, they are covered by the warmth of another pair of lips.

My eyes are still shut, but I know that the lips against mine are John’s. The only other alternative is that uptight horn-happy soccer mom got out of her car, switched places with John, attempted to kiss my ass like I directed her to before, and somehow missed and landed on my lips.

I keep my eyes shut as John massages my lips with his, but when he slips his tongue in my mouth, my eyes flutter open.

I’ve reached second base, or whatever this is called, many times, but I’m honestly not sure if John has. Like I said before, John’s my best friend so we talk about banging chicks all the time, but his stories are always a little off. I’m 110% sure that John’s still a virgin. I have to slow things down because I’ve never punched anyone’s V-card and this is where this kiss is leading us.

I feel his hand move between my legs and… yup, he’s definitely tempting me to pop his cherry.

He palms me gently over my jeans. His stroke is awkward, kind of like he’s only done this to himself so he’s unsure of what pace to set.

The movement of his hand down there and his lips on my mine is almost too much. This blissful sensory overload lasts for what feels like forever.

I’m more experienced than John so I take control. I hold his hips while devouring his lips. John moans the sweet sound of approval against my mouth. John holds on as long as he can before he releases my lips to breathe.

His eyes are still staring back at mine, but they are darting rapidly from left to right in an adorably panicked way.

My voice comes out way huskier than I thought it would and for once fate has tossed me on the winning side by making me sound sexier than a porn star. “Why’d you stop?”

John moves in to kiss me again, but I move back causing his lips to stop a breath away from mine. I feel this breath as he gives me a slightly impatient exhale.

I ignore the chills that this is sending through my body, and I toy with John a bit. “Why’d you stop peeing?”

He sits back, putting a little distance between us. I’m not sure if the blush on his face is from the embarrassment of remembering his not-so-empty bladder, or from me putting a halt on our make out session.

His blush darkens. “If I hold a little in, then it’s not like I was desperate enough to fully piss my pants. It’s like, I could have held it if I wanted too.”

There’s a moment of silence, but I kill that silence with a smirk. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

John’s eyes travel down to the thermos of his warm urine in the cup holder. I had been so out of it that I didn’t even realize he had put it there. I also hadn’t realized that he had put the lid on. Even when John is desperate and horny, he still remembers his manners.

John looks out of the windshield and so do I. I’m a little too nervous to take a glace out of my side window. My car windows aren’t tinted so the neighboring car on my left probably got an eyeful of whatever you call what John and I just did.

The devious smirk returns to my face. “You still gotta piss.”

John doesn’t miss a beat. “You’re still hard.”

I lick my lips. “I bet I can hold out till we get back to your house.”

John sighs. “I don’t know if you’ll be able to judge that. My boxers are already wet from when I was leaking.”

I deepen my voice to the husky tone. “So are mine.”

John gasps, full on gasps like a woman, and it takes all of my self-control to keep from laughing.

The traffic starts rolling again. I see flashing lights ahead and a few cop cars. As we get closer I see a fire engine and John pieces it together before I do. “I think a tree fell down and took some powerlines down with it.”

I nod. “So that explains all the electricity in the car.”

John laughs, but then groans. “I think all the holding weakened some of the muscles down there.”

I don’t have to take a glance over to tell he’s squirming in his seat.

I groan in response.

John laughs uneasily. “You throwin’ in the towel, D?

I press a little harder on the gas and try to do an impression of John’s laid back California accent. “Not on your life, bruh.”

John’s voice is almost too quiet for me to hear it. “I think we’re a little more than bros, Dave.”

I smirk. “Yup. See what happens when you don’t pee at home like a normal person? All kinds of fucked up shit happens.”

John sounds a little hurt. “So… you think what we did was a mistake?”

I laugh. “Hell yeah, but if I’m lucky I can keep making the same mistake with you for the rest of my life.”

John laughs. “That’s deep dude. I just wanted to give you a quick handy for the road.”

I shrug. “No one’s stopping you from doing that right now.”

John sighs. “My hands are a little busy right now.”

We make it another few miles before it becomes embarrassing obvious that I lost the bet and John uses the thermos as his consolation prize.

As he’s adding to the overwhelming bounty of liquid in his trophy, he lets out a satisfied hum every few seconds. When he’s finally done he puts the thermos back in the cup holder and yawns.

The rest of the trip back to John’s house is uneventful and just consists of us listening to my IPod on shuffle mode instead of us talking about our feelings.

When I pull into John’s driveway I have to turn up the windshield wipers because the storm cloud is directly over his house and nowhere else.

John walks into the house, but I lean against the doorway. He shrugs. “You wanna come in? I’m just gonna take a shower and pass out for a few hours.”

I stay leaning against the doorway. “I told you the drive would make you tired. I’m a genius and you’re welcome. Unless you want to kiss me goodnight, I’m out.”

John squints at me, trying to read if I’m joking or not. He’s close enough for me to put a hand around his waist, so I do. I pull him close to me and he gives me _that_ look.

I lean in to start right where we left off, but a loud crack of thunder erupts in the sky. John jumps back as his eyes go wide.

His panicked eyes settle back on me and he looks shy and adorable. “Can you stay the night?”

I smirk. “Yeah, but I get the shower first.”

John crosses his legs because I guess the third time's a charm. He blushes. “Can I pee first?”

I put my arm around his shoulder as we walk to the bathroom. “I’ll think about it.”   

 


End file.
